Last night I asked you which is easier and healthier to do, to forgive or to forget, and your answers had been really inspiring and true, you all agreed that we must forgive in order to forget and live comfortable and happy, and today I have picked two winners, the first one was by Lisa Smith and the reason is that what she said was very realistic and I know I couldn’t say it better, the second one was by Michelle and I really had to share this one with you, because she had shared her experience with us, and we can learn so much from her experience to be much wiser and forgiving.
Thank you all for your participations, it made me so happy, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, hope we can do this once again.
1- I believe that most people think that it is easier and healthier to forget. In reality, this is a misnomer since, in reality, they are not forgetting anything. It is an illusion that it is forgotten, and will always find a way to resurface and harm you, again and again. Those who do this are, merely, suppressing the truth. The art of forgetting results in a smoke and mirrors game of closing down the heart, which achieves nothing. To forgive one must drop/ his her guard, opening up the heart, allowing him/ herself to be exposed to self and others. It is the only sure way to let go, purify the soul, and regain the balance of health, well being.
By Lisa Smith
2- Well, after 20+ years of pretending to forget, I finally realized that the abandonment issues I had been holding on to as a result of my father not being in my life, were being played out in all of my love relationships with men. It isn’t a pattern that was so easily overlooked. I noticed, but when you are desperate to be loved, you will take whatever comes your way, even if that means overlooking a few, rather obvious signs. The majority of my boyfriends cheated on me. Sure, they might have seemed like nice guys, hell, they probably are in their own right, but I subconsciously dictated that I would not be loved. I had to deserve less than what I longed for, if, even my father couldn’t stay to love me. Funny how it all comes back around to me being unlovable, as opposed to them being unable to love. Well, long story short, the love of my life, my son, the man I thought I had raised to be a better man than all of those before him, cheated on his long time girlfriend and revealed it to her 2 months before they were to be wed. When he called me to tell me that he had cheated on his best friend, suddenly my perspective changed. My negative thoughts, my dark memories, my hurt feelings seemed to evaporate, in the matter of an instant. While listening to his confessions of fear, confusion, pain, and doubt, I felt my center relax, and become very peaceful. Suddenly there was clarity, and I realized that if someone as innocent in his fears and doubts and pain, as my son, could betray the one he loves, then perhaps all of those before him who I had judged and chastised and hated, and perhaps even shamed, were all innocents to their misguided feelings and decisions. It was cathartic to release them from my life. It was a release of myself and all of the blame and shame I placed on myself. Forgiveness is the only way to heal and grow.